Por qué no hablo ingles

¡¡¡POR QUÉ NO HABLO INGLES!!!, NI LO HABLARÉ, A ESTE PASO......

ESTA ES LA RAZÓN POR LA CUAL SOY INCAPAZ DE APRENDER A HABLAR O
ENTENDER EL INGLES!!!

La prueba consta de tres módulos

MODULO BÁSICO
Castellano:
- "Tres brujas miran tres relojes Swatch. ¿Que bruja mira que reloj? "

En inglés:
-"Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which
Swatch watch? "

MODULO AVANZADO
Castellano:
-"Tres brujas 'travestis' miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch. ¿Que bruja travesti mira los botones de que reloj Swatch? "

En inglés:
-"Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch? "*

Y ESTE ES PARA MASTERS:
Castellano:
-"Tres brujas suecas transexuales miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch suizos. ¿Que bruja sueca transexual mira que boton de que reloj Swatch suizo?

En inglés:
-"Three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watch switches. Which Swedish switched witch watch which Swiss Swatch watch switch? "


Ahora intentad leerlo en voz alta:)

Y luego luego dicen que el inglés es facil. ¡A tomar por saco el ingles!

Aquí van algunas imágenescon texto igual se nos da mejor:)

¿Que tal?  ¿Mejor?
Feliz semana y a practicar

El iPhone y homenaje a Steve Jobs

Todo Empezó con un iPhone...
Febrero fue el cumpleaños de mi hijo y su regalo fue un iPhone.
Le gustó mucho ¿A quién no?

Celebré mi cumpleaños en Agosto, y mi mujer me hizo muy feliz, me regaló un iPad !

El Cumpleaños de mi hija fue en Diciembre así que le regalamos un iPod Touch.

Mi mujer celebró su cumpleaños en enero y le regalamos una iRon

¡Allí fue donde comenzó la bronca!.
Lo que mi mujer no supo reconocer fue que con la iRon puede integrarse a la red de la casa con el iWash, iCook and  iClean.
Inevitablemente activó el iJode

Espero salir del hospital el Jueves........

Y ya que estamos con el inglés y todos los "i" aquí va un excelente homenaje a Steve Jobs

Moisés,te presento a Steve, el actualizará y mejorará tus "Tablas"

¡¡¡Chicas nada de mosqueo eh!!!!

Arab student (estudiante árabe)

An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:
Dear Dad
-Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
-My dear loving son, twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love, your Dad

Un estudiante árabe le envía el siguiente e-mail a su padre:
Querido papá
Berlín es precioso, la gente es encantadora , me encanta estar aquí , pero papá siento un poco de vergüenza llegar al mi instituto con mi ferrari oro 599GTB cuando todos mis profesores y compañeros viajan en tren.
Tu hijo Nasser
Al día siguiente recibe un e-mail de su padre en respuesta al suyo.
Querido hijo, veinte millones de dólares han sido transferidos a tu cuenta. Por favor deja de avergonzarnos. Vete y haz tu lo propio, compráte tu propio tren.
Con amor papá

Chiste visuales en Ingles

USA and Venezuela

Los norteamericanos dicen:

"We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash"

Los venezolanos responden:

"We have Hugo Chavez, no Wonder, no Hope and no Cash"

Little John the Baptist

"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. "
Matt. 18:4-5

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed Him "playing church" with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out,
-"Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said,
-"He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

Christian Humor

OLE FILLS IN

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.:

- 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.

-' 'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks:

-'So, Ole,How was your day?' Ole told him that he took care of three patients.

-'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

-'Bravo, Mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

-'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole

- Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.

-'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

-HELP ME - I haven't Seen a man in over two years!!

-'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
?????????????????????
- 'I put drops in her eyes!!

U all thought I was telling you a dirty joke!!!!

Walking The dog and The Pastor's Ass

Me llegan de vez en cuando chistes en Inglés y algunos están graciosos Así que a partir de hoy los voy a compartir, asi practicamos un poco.

Walking The dog
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly,the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay,and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.
The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her
seeing-eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her,and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour.
Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'The blind lady said, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing-eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!True story...


The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in therace again and it won again.
The local paper read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHESPASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to getrid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headlinethe next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey soshe sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to b uy backthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinioncan bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happierand live longer!